In Leslie’s apartment, I laid on top of them, my head resting on their shoulder while they wrapped their arms around my waist. Stray beams of sunlight filtered in through the gentle rain outside, landing on the vial of good luck ash on the bedside table, making the contents glitter.
This was the last day we could spend together. The last day before I returned to the System. I’d have to go back to hiding my defect. Go back to doing what the System wanted. Well, mostly. Things would be different this time. And I wouldn’t be staying.
Laying in silence like this seemed like the best way to spend our time before I left. Leslie’s arms held me firmly. Occasionally they’d kiss the top of my head. I was starting to doze off when their grip on me grew tighter, squeezing the air out of my lungs.
“Too tight,” I squeaked out.
“Sorry,” Leslie replied, immediately loosening their grip. “Sorry,” they said more softly. “Igwetijsdfont want to let you go ietwjidfknshwfhy.”
I didn’t say anything. What else could be said? Neither of us wanted to be apart. But I’d volunteered because I was the best match for what Leslie needed to finally tear down the System. I had to see it through. For myself, for Leslie, and for everyone still trapped in the System.
“How selfish would it be,” Leslie started, “for me to just cancel this whole thing?”
“Pretty selfish,” I replied with a chuckle. I scooted up the bed, laying my head on the pillow next to Leslie’s. “I’m gonna miss you,” I said when they turned my way.
“Yeah,” they replied. “I’m gonna miss you, too.”
“And I’m gonna miss this,” I said.
“This?”
“Being with you,” I replied which made Leslie smile. “Just… spending time with you like this. I’m gonna miss being in your arms.”
Leslie reached over and brushed a lock of hair behind my ear. “It’s gonna be lonely here without you.”
“Lonely,” I repeated. It would definitely be lonely in the System. No allies, no real friends, and the only way to contact Outcasts would be through a virtual alter I couldn’t risk using too often.
“It’s only a year,” I said, more for myself than Leslie.
“It’s gonna be a long year,” Leslie responded. “It’s gonna be hard waiting.”
I took a deep breath and said, “I’m not ready.”
Leslie frowned. “You’ve trained enough-”
“I’m not ready to leave you.”
Leslie blinked. Then they turned on their side and coiled their arms around me again without saying a word. That’s all they needed to do. Neither of us were ready for me to go. We’d enjoy each other’s company while we could.
To be continued…