A roar of thunder woke me up. The following flash of lightning illuminated the room even from beyond the closed shutters. With a yawn, I rolled on to my side, moving closer to Leslie’s side of the bed.
I was surprised to see Leslie sitting on the edge of the bed, their fingers silently drumming against the sheet. “What’s wrong?” I asked.
Leslie sighed. “Jwerioweurfewaefrweajfdssind.”
Another roll of thunder sounded. I sat up, rubbing at my eyes. “I didn’t understand you.”
They looked back at me as another flash of lightning lit up the room. “I have a lot on my mind,” they said.
I took a deep breath. “Like what?” I asked, preparing myself for a conversation about what we hadn’t done yet.
Leslie glanced away. Then they adjusted themself to sit cross-legged on the bed. “I’ll never fully understand bytes, will I?”
“…Sorry, what… Why are you asking this?”
Leslie ran a hand over their face and sighed. “It’s just… the anti-bytes have been terrorizing former bytes for gods know how many years. And no Illagwen authority knew a thing about it because no one said anything.”
They looked at me sadly. “Are we doing something wrong?”
“No, Leslie,” I said, placing my hand on theirs. “Well, I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong. Bytes, former bytes… we’re just not used to being listened to.”
We sat in silence as the rain pelted down. The shutters rattled slightly. Leslie waited patiently for me to continue. This wasn’t an easy thing to explain.
“In the System,” I said, “there’s only something wrong if the System says there is. We could complain or report something, but we never know for sure how the System will respond. And if she decides we’re wrong, she… treats us differently for a while. It’s hard to explain.”
I paused, looking away. “No matter what we might feel or experience, the System decides what the situation looks like. So we learn that it’s easier to keep things to ourselves. To rely on each other when the System refuses to listen.” I met Leslie’s eyes. “Why would we expect Illagu to be any different?”
Another jolt of thunder sounded, distant this time. Leslie intertwined their fingers with mine. “Iswetuewiofjwu didn’t tell me about the attack during yoeweroeieuit training?” they asked softly.
“Honestly, I have no idea why I didn’t tell you,” I replied. “I just… didn’t want you to know.”
Leslie yawned. “We should go back to sleep,” they said.
We laid down together, my head resting on their shoulder, their arms wrapped around me. “Was that the only thing on your mind?” I asked.
“Not exactly,” they replied. “But, thank you. Yweoriwerewuifiwkeafejwaeuoirkaely helped.”
As we drifted off to sleep, I couldn’t help wondering why they hadn’t brought up the other thing that had probably been bothering them.
To be continued…