Content Warnings: ableism, implied suicidal ideation
Being back in uniform felt good. It felt normal, like nothing had changed. I didn’t look forward to the whispering of my coworkers, but I walked to the border station anyway.
Then I saw Sergeant Sam. They stood at the door I usually used, hands on their hips. Before I could utter a word, Sergeant Sam motioned for me to follow them.
“Sit,” they commanded when we arrived in their office.
Very slowly, I lowered myself into a chair, eyeing them curiously. Sergeant Sam stood with their back to me, looking out the window behind their desk. After a silence that felt like hours, Sergeant Sam finally sat down with a groan.
“I’m sorry,” they said.
“For… what?”
“You’re dismissed from service, Dax,” they stated. “It’s a shame too. Iweifmsldkthe ioeioretjwoemfskdhteiosjrmlfsion.”
My jaw dropped. They couldn’t be serious. “Why? Everything with the Strokes was-”
“This isn’t about your little misunderstanding with the Strokes,” Sergeant Sam interrupted. “It’s the fact that you lied.”
“Lied?”
Sergeant Sam rubbed their eyes as they sighed. “Look, Dax, if you were just upfront about your hearing problems-”
I banged my fist on the table. “I’ve done my duty! I’ve already proven that I can do my job! How does you knowing about my issue change anything?!”
“I’m sorry, Dax,” Sergeant Sam said again. “But these are the orders from my superiors. Believe me, I tried to convince them otherwise.”
I said nothing. I stood up and walked out of the border station, the doors silently closing behind me.
When the Strokes had said they’d explain the situation, I hadn’t realized that included telling my superiors about my condition. I should’ve asked them not to.
Without realizing when or how I got there, I found myself standing at the base of the clock tower. I looked up at the still clock face, dark gray clouds looming above the rooftop.
I didn’t climb up – I was too worried about how I’d choose to come down if I did. Instead, I turned on my heel and walked back to my apartment, the first droplets beginning to fall.
When I finally arrived at the door, I couldn’t find my key. Every last pocket was empty and I couldn’t think of where I might have lost it.
I leaned against the wall beside the door and slid down to the ground, watching a curtain of rain fall from the sky.
“Dax?”
I glanced over to see Leslie walking along the terrace of our floor. They stopped at their door, staring at me curiously. “What are you doing?”
“I lost my key,” I replied.
Leslie didn’t say anything for a moment, then sighed. “Come on in. Ramona might be a while.”
I followed them into their apartment and sat down on their couch. Leslie lit a few candles to brighten the dim space. Rain pelted the shutters behind me.
“Would you like anything?” Leslie asked as they walked toward the kitchen. “Iweijtment plejitomlefheirmfingast-”
That’s when I started crying.
Leslie jumped. “What, what?! Why?!”
“What am I supposed to do, Leslie?!” I wailed. “This… defect ruins everything! It got me kicked out of the System, the military! And it ruined everything with you! No matter how hard I try, something terrible always happens because of it!”
I buried my face in my hands. The tears wouldn’t stop.
Then I felt the warmth of Leslie’s hand on my back. I glanced at them sitting beside me. They stared at the low table in front of the couch, not saying a word.
And they didn’t say anything when I leaned back to rest my head on their shoulder. We sat in silence, Leslie’s arm wrapped around me, as the rain continued to pour.
To be continued…